Today has been pretty interesting. Not because anything special happened- I didn’t magically get a bunch of money, I didn’t meet the love of my life, and no I didn’t have that great of a day all around.
To be honest, it’s been a pretty shit day. Dealing with my siblings moving back after years of not being able to so much as have a full conversation with them, has been pretty weird. I love them, but it’s weird going from barely knowing them to having to live with them again. but again, I love having them here. It’s awesome to finally build our relationships again. It’s scary because they’re like strangers to me, but at the same time we have this bond. So hard to explain.
I’m also nervous about moving back home. Only because I’m going to truly miss the people I’ve met here in Tennessee. I love my coworkers like family and I’m so nervous to start over again at a new hospital. I don’t think I’ll find the same dynamic in Maryland.. but I am excited too because I can’t wait to be around family and friends again. Friends who have known me for so long that I don’t have to pretend around them.
I don’t really know what I’m talking about honestly, just kinda writing out random thoughts. Wish I could stay on topic but that’s not how my brain works 😂
I haven’t felt genuinely happy in a while. But I can truly say that I’ve reached a point where I actually love myself and care about who’s in my life and who isn’t. I actively make a choice now on who I let affect me and who I don’t spend any time on. Do you know how amazing that feels? I no longer blame anyone else for the things that happen to me. I don’t play the victim. I don’t let life negatively get to me. Okay well, i TRY not to at least, I’m not perfect. As I’m sure you know if you’ve read my other posts.
Sometimes it does affect me- but now it’s far less than it ever has been. I have good days and bad days like anyone but today was a really good one. Even though it was stressful and tiring- even though I’m stressed out for other reason, it was a good day.
That’s what I wanted to talk about mostly in this post. Today was ridiculously stressful- we had my managers bosses come in and watch our every move and critique us left and right and to say that wasn’t annoying as hell is an understatement. but Im happy to say I feel really… content? Maybe that’s the word. There’s so much to appreciate and I wish I didn’t take so much for granted. I have to start looking at all the good in my life. And that’s why I’m happy.
Does any of this make sense ? Probably not😂
I have the tendency to connect things that other people don’t usually connect 😂
Well anyway, my next post is going to be a rough draft of a chapter of a book I’m trying to write. I’d love any feedback. And not that I have any professional training on writing, but who knows, maybe one day I’ll actually publish something 🤔😂
Well- I should probably go to bed. I have a habit of staying up all night.
Thanks for reading.💋