I should be so incredibly happy with life right now. I should be ecstatic. And in all honesty, I am. So much is going right- a new job, lots of friends, my family is coming down next week, etc. But. I guess I’m just… in limbo right now. I don’t know how to think about anything- maybe I’m having a mid life crisis at 22? Who knows. Probably.
I don’t know what started this blog post idea in my head- maybe it was when this guy messaged me again clearly only wanting one thing. Which, you know, is fine. I don’t dislike him for that. But it reminded me…. Maybe it was when all I get are praises from my outward appearance, and not who I actually am. My mind, my thinking, my mentality.
I guess my frustrations right now stem from the fact that I simultaneously love and hate being a woman in this world. Don’t worry. I won’t go on a tangent about women’s “rights” or how much of a victim I am bc of men. I want to talk about some things that make me uneasy- things that I’m sure many women can relate to.
Now, I don’t think I’m all that good looking. (This isn’t being said because I want compliments either.) I truly think Im average. Or even less than average. So hear me out when I say I can’t imagine what it’s like for girls/women who are drop dead gorgeous. Maybe they’re used to the attention? Or maybe they shield their frustrations and make jokes when they’re uncomfortable, like me.
I want to openly walk into a room and not feel like i’m being stared at like I owe someone something. I just want to be able to go get my car state inspected and not be hit on by the guy behind the desk- with the way his eyes would look me up and down several times and not even care when I tried to cover myself up- It didn’t matter to him. See, in his mind, I could be wearing a sweatshirt, sweatpants, and haven’t fixed myself at all. He would still look at me like I owed him.
I want to be able to have dinner with a coworker without their hand sneakily reaching under the table to touch my leg. Because they misread the entire point of why I went out with them. I want to be able to go to the store without a man following me from isle to isle. I want to be able to jog outside without a creepy older man in a van getting closer to my parked car every time I finished a lap around the track.
Don’t I deserve to be treated like I matter ? That I’m not just some object men can fantasize about and touch whenever they feel like it ?
I wish today’s world was so different. I even have to watch what I wear when I go out in public. I wish I could just be. I wish I didn’t have to try on several outfits to make sure I don’t show off too much of myself. It’s not fair. No, more than that. It’s not right. It’s not okay. And yet I have to deal with this (i’m sure other women do too).
I’m tired of feeling like I’m in the wrong when a married man OR committed man reaches out to me just to hit on me- that’s not my fault. and yet, I feel guilty ? How sad is that?? Maybe I feel guilty because I feel for her too. She’s obviously had sex with this man, which is already intimate itself, and yet it’s not enough for him. Which in turn means I will never be enough for him either.
Are you seeing the problem ?
I’m not sure what point I was truly trying to make here. I just wanted to vent. Because, I wish I mattered more. I’m worth so much more. But no one seems to see that.
I’m so tired of men thinking they can do whatever they want. Of course, not all men are bad. I’ve met some really good guys in my life time. The issue is, even the good guys mean well… but they contribute to this shit society that has women subordinate to men. Which is insane. We are all equals. Until the good guys also start to acknowledge their contributions to what is happening, it’ll never change.
Sure, you can easily point out a rapist or a stalker and say that those men (we’re only discussing men against women, i’m completely aware that there are crimes committed from women against women, women against men, men against men, etc.) are the culprits that give men a bad name sometimes, but it’s not true.
What about the guy that expects you to put out after a date he paid for ? What about the guy who expects you to fuck him just because he complimented you ? and what about the guy who can’t take no for an answer when you say you just want to be friends ? Because you have to be a tease since you won’t sleep with him.
I’m just so tired of it all. I know things won’t ever change, but I hope at least this post helps other women know they’re not alone. I’m here and I understand your frustrations. It’s not okay.
If you ever want to talk, PM me on here or my social stuff.
Thanks for reading.